Privacy is hard to find in a house with several other people besides the pair looking for a bit of alone time. We have three kids living here with us and we like having them living here with us but privacy? It’s difficult to find.

We also have another issue … our bed is in the living room. Thanks to life in an older home, we are embroiled in much-needed renos on a tight, do-it-yourself budget. The master bath is the target and there isn’t one just now. Our bedroom is a hell of plaster dust, floating particles of pink fiberglass insulation and random things like sinks and light fixtures. Sleeping in the living room is the best option for us, for now. At least we do have a door that locks.

So how do we find time for privacy and intimacy in a house full of listening ears and random walk ins? We’re working on it. A couple of things we do that work include waking up extra early. 4am is probably one of the most underrated times of day for languorous, unrushed sex. We also make a point of sometimes just saying, “We’re having some alone time,” and closing (and locking!) the door.

Like everyone, we fall along a continuum of normal. In our house, in our lives, the older kids acknowledge that despite our incredibly advanced ages (he’s 44, I’m 46) and our less than perfectly beautiful bodies, we still enjoy sex. I should mention that our kids that live here are 21, 18 and almost 9. The understanding of this and the hearing or seeing of the actuality are two different things. We are uncomfortable to the point of celibacy in situations where the kids might see or hear us mid-coitus. Perhaps this lands us closer to the prudish end of the scale but whatever. This is us. Maybe this is you, too.

So, if we have lunchtime, alone time, we close and lock the door. We pull down the pieces of random fabrics that are hung in our living room windows to prevent accidental peekers and we turn on the a/c or a fan or the radio. Cover noise. This could be just as much because I am scarred for life because my oldest daughter used to tease us unmercifully about ‘certain sounds’, as it is about my own sense of modesty. How we got here isn’t important. What’s important is what we’re doing now that we are here.

What we, as a couple, are doing is this: trying to find our way. We are trying to find ways to connect, not just physically but emotionally, in the midst of a big, complicated, boiling stew of family and children and obligations and … life.

Perfection isn’t something we are hoping to attain. Satisfaction with our sex life is and we’re getting closer to that with every conscious decision we make to prioritize it.


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