Large crowds of people make me antsy. *Any* large crowd does this though, admittedly, a John Prine concert is less intense than a Boy Scout group with all those wiggly, obnoxious little boys.

Tonight we attended Minerva’s first 4H ‘event’. It was nice, well-planned, smooth running and fun but dude, I’m done in. There were so many people there, so much activity, excitement, sugar and color…it was too much.

Does this mean I have some sort of diagnosable psychiatric disorder or can we just chalk it up to introversion and self-conditioning? Years of living on a quiet little farm can make crowds even less appealing, I’m certain of it.

It’s difficult coming into a group of strangers and trying to figure out what they need, where I can fit in and lend a hand. What need can I, as the parent of a very interested child, fill? Are they going to tell me? Do I just sit on my ass and watch and see if someone else does it? That’s never been my style.

About half way through supper Mark passed the word along that we *had* to stay and help clean up. Which means, ‘We have to stay so you can help clean up while I wait for you.’ Well, it was almost 9 o’clock and Mark told me that was the end-time, so I started looking for things to do. 3 different people said, ‘Clear off the tables.’ So I started doing that.

After about half of those were clear someone else came up and said, ‘We think you’re making people leave and we you to leave the rest for later.’ I was dumbfounded.

Don’t misunderstand, the woman who told me to stop was very nice about it, but still, you know that feeling when you’ve been told you have to do something and you’re glad to do it and you are doing it and then someone comes in and says, ‘You’re doing that all wrong. Stop.’

No matter how nicely that’s put, it still stings. No matter how nice they are about telling you that your efforts aren’t appreciated, they should be saying, ‘Thank you,’ instead.

But then I thought about the kids up there singing on the stage and felt like it was probably about them and how bad it must suck for them to be performing for a cleared-out crowd while the maid (me) cleans up. So, apologies to the singer who was lovely and performed nicely and had her act interupted and put off til the sorry sad end of things, only a very small portion of which had anything to do with me.

Still though? I’m a little miffed about getting kicked in the shins for trying to do what they so adamantly said we had to…wait. That was Mark.


About Bettina Colonna Essert

Illuminated Magdalene High Priestess and facilitator of empowerment and healing circles for girls and women, including a monthly Red Tent Temple. BA in English, minor in anthropology. Waldorf homeschool mom. Reiki master, cranial sacral therapist, herbalist, menstruvist, feminist, epicurian.
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