For most of my life I thought that I was a country girl trapped in the suburbs near the fringes of Norfolk’s downtown and Virginia Beach’s tourist traps on Atlantic Avenue. I’ve always loved and ridden horses, gardened, read about herbology and alternative diets and lifestyles. I first subscribed to Mother Earth News at the tender age of 18.
Then we moved to Gates County, North Carolina and it quickly became apparent that I was deeply mistaken. I am not a country girl. Not at all. I can no more function within the small-minded, uber-conservative society of a small town that hasn’t recognized anything even remotely akin to the Civil Rights movement and where women are expected to put out, shut up and cook, than I could breathe without air.
Living down there put me in a frame of mind that was a mixture of crazy and deeply depressed. I felt trapped, isolated and shut out. We lived in a society of judges whose trial and sentencing involved nasty gossip and shitty treatment. It was hard. I couldn’t sit on my front porch and play my banjo anymore because I felt like the cars driving past radiated animosity. It was awful.
Then I started blogging about the people who treated me poorly. On two instances I ventured across the line and blogged about friends who had pissed me off and for those trespasses I apologized, deleted my bitchy posts and the friends and I moved on. As to the blogging about the abuse heaped on me when we lived down there? I’m glad I did it, I may have died of depression or repression had I not had the satisfaction of seeing all the bullshit those folks threw on me fly back and land on them. *That* was cool.
Since moving back to Four Oaks and settling into a life that I love, the drive to blog about people who do me nasty has evaporated. It’s kind of amazing, actually. There was no conscious effort on my part to stop talking about life’s very real social dramas and the way they play out, it’s just that the happy outweighs the sad now and that’s enough.
So, Country Girl? No fucking way. I’m a spoiled housewife with an incredible family, a wonderful husband and kids who make me proud every day in some large or small way, every single one of them. We’re 10 minutes from the Off-Broadway scene, several great small-venue theaters, a selection of great eateries and alternative culture events. We have our horses and our organic garden and our cool, green reno projects but we’re back, baby. Back in the city. Back in our element. Back to happy and hallelujah for that.