For Granted

Is it human nature? Today was quiet. Mark is working on various small projects outside and in. I am prepping for my co-op class and cleaning house, reading a bit. The kids are helping. It is nice outside, finally cooling off but the day is overcast which always turns my thoughts inward for some reason. Standing here in the kitchen I looked around this house and thought about how much I take it for granted.

This house is the first home I’ve had ownership in and it is a good house. It is solid, well built, big enough. It is warm in winter and cool in summer. Not only is it a good house, it is far better a house than most people enjoy but I totally think it’s not good enough in the deep, dark recesses of my reptilian Colonna-brain. I was raised by rich folks and it is difficult to let go of the judgements about me that say I’m not good enough. The judgements that tell me if my house is average in size or decor then it just isn’t worth having. Things must be big and expensive and shiny and … Colonial. Or Western European.
Not Good Enough is something I have been for so long that it is just a part of how I feel. I function fairly well in spite of it. But every once in a while I realize that I see the world through a lens that is focused on ideals that I don’t agree with and it is disconcerting. Once I thought about it, I realized that I love this house. It’s my house and it is good. I’ve touched every inch of every wall. The plants out front are plants I have planted and nurtured. The kids who live in the bedrooms across from mine have lived here most of their lives and this is really home to them. Our house is cozy and it always smells of something cooking or incense or sage burning. Our house doesn’t pretend to be anything but what it is. Home.

About Bettina Colonna Essert

Illuminated Magdalene High Priestess and facilitator of empowerment and healing circles for girls and women, including a monthly Red Tent Temple. BA in English, minor in anthropology. Waldorf homeschool mom. Reiki master, cranial sacral therapist, herbalist, menstruvist, feminist, epicurian.
This entry was posted in family, health and well-being, personal. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to For Granted

  1. Tan Family says:

    Your house sounds truly like a home. We've had big and shiny, and now we are in cozy and comfortable, so I can relate! I love your blogs. 🙂

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