Depressed Women of Corapeake

When we first moved to Corapeake, NC and met the neighbors it was amazing how, to a woman, they all hated living here. All the new people, that is, all the gals who moved here sometime in 2003 or early the following year. Just in our little row of farmettes there were 4 women who bemoaned the fact that they had chosen to live in Gates County. Of those 4, I was the one who got the ribbing for liking it the most. My family wasn’t more than an hour’s drive away. I thought I felt at home. Still, I was a charter member of the DWoC.

But since then by being a target for gossip, by standing up for my property rights, by virtue of the fact that after a year of living here I got Mono and the following year almost died, by allowing my more liberal side to show up on this blog, I have become the target of more hatred than should exist in this world, much less be directed at a person who more-or-less minds her own business and has caused no harm to anyone in our community.
It wears me out, being the recipient of all this malice. The gossip and hateful words come back to me now and then. The hurtful, nasty gossip that the residents of this place spout about me ooze in and I can’t figure out why in the world people who hold themselves in such high esteem think that it’s acceptable to be so nasty, so intent on causing harm and why this makes them think they’re better than me. I do understand this: it makes life in this place unbearable. There are days when I am so buried under the cloud of their hate that I cannot manage to dig myself out. There are days when I think I’m going to die if I can’t get the hell out, die of the ill-will directed my way by these people who don’t know me and who I have never wronged. 
Sometimes I wonder if it’s my lack of retaliation, my desire not to spread gossip and hate and discontent that keeps me in their sites? Could it be? Could people use me as the beast of burden to carry all of their meanness and lack of self-esteem simply because I don’t send the negativity back at them? That’s the only thing that makes a shade of sense to me but really, none of it is sensible.
At this point I am asking for prayers from my readers, good energy, whatever you can send my direction to help us get out of Gates County and back to a world where people aren’t so willing to burn the witch regardless of whether she sinks or floats.
AMAZING! I just went out to feed the horses and my neighbor’s dog was in my yard as it was last night. We put the dog on our porch last night and called them so they would know where she was and she couldn’t wander farther off. This morning she was back, not that I care. Said neighbor told me that she was going to put a chunk of wood under my fence to keep her dog out, if that was okay with me and I replied that it’s not, the problem is not my fence ‘letting the dog in’ but her fence, which had absolutely no potential for holding a dog in. 
She flipped out, yelled, cussed me out, told me what a horrible, mean, shitty person I am, kept cursing me as she came into my yard to get her dog and left. I had to make the split-second decision to put my head down and keep working or beat her unconscious. I put my head down and kept on with what I was doing. The last time I saw her was  at our Advent Spiral and I’m just not sure how she went from that to where she is now without us exchanging one, single word.
I’m tired of taking all of the blame, all of the heat, all of the angst whenever something isn’t working perfectly regarding the fence lines. There has been a lot of stress coming at us over the years we’ve lived here because of the ideologies of our neighbors on the Southern side (we enjoy a great relationship with our other neighbors.) In spite of the fact that I’m exhausted from the onslaught of hate that radiates toward me from these people, I am not willing to be bullied into acting like their lack of forethought regarding fencing is my fault. I’ve had it, too, with the woman being nasty to my child in order to impress her friends.  
Here area some pictures of our fences here so that you can see. Ours is the ugly wire mesh, theirs is the pretty white rail and cable. 
From Christmas, Dog, Advent, Sarah
From Christmas, Dog, Advent, Sarah

About Bettina Colonna Essert

Illuminated Magdalene High Priestess and facilitator of empowerment and healing circles for girls and women, including a monthly Red Tent Temple. BA in English, minor in anthropology. Waldorf homeschool mom. Reiki master, cranial sacral therapist, herbalist, menstruvist, feminist, epicurian.
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